A Zombie Joins the SOS Brigade
by Martin III
Summary: No, really, what would happen if Kyon were killed by Ryoko Asakura? Rated M for gore (now there's a warning I never thought I'd have to put on one of my stories).


**Author's notes:** The timing might make it look like this fic is intended as a parody of KoopaSensei's "The Grief of Haruhi Suzumiya", but in fact, I got the idea for it before I even started reading that story. Said idea initially popped into my head as a poke at some fics which handle the same premise, but before long I was mulling over whether to have Kyon die later and thus do it as an angsty fic, or do a black comedy take on the usual Asakura-murders-Kyon thing. I finally went with the latter as the more underexplored option... only for the story to end up with a lot of genuine angst alongside the comedy. Hopefully the combination works.

The characters and milieu of this fan fiction work are property of Nagaru Tanigawa, Kyoto Animation, and Funimation. The cover art was assembled by myself with a template from ClipArtBest dot com.

Oh, and have a happy and safe Halloween.

* * *

**"The three years of your brief life"**

Yuki Nagato processed and analyzed the information at the scene. The individual human who had recently provoked new responses in Haruhi Suzumiya was dead. His body lay limp and his organs were not functioning.

Resuscitation using techniques known to humans was not possible. Resuscitation using techniques unknown to humans, though it bore the risk of the Data Integration Thought Entity's detection by human society, was authorized in this case. However, it too was not possible, since the information in the human's brain had been disassembled and irretrievably scattered. This indicated that his death had been caused by someone with information-altering abilities.

Not that Yuki Nagato needed to have observed the state of his brain to know that. She had detected the spatial lockdown and data blockade in the classroom. She had simply detected them too late.

She reported her findings. The Data Integration Thought Entity concurred that it was likely that another humanoid interface had killed the human. An investigation would begin.

Yuki Nagato had committed a serious failure. Therefore, she would be terminated from her assignment. However, the human identity of Yuki Nagato was too valuable to be eliminated, due to her proximity to the observation subject. Therefore, said identity would be assumed by her backup unit.

Arrangements were made for the human identity of Ryoko Asakura to be transferred to another school. Because Yuki Nagato's failure was an understandable and forgivable one, she could change identities to another student at North High.

Yuki Nagato rejected this option and requested to be taken from Earth and reunited with the Data Integration Thought Entity. Her three years of life had proven to be dissatisfying, confusing, and, ultimately, disheartening. Why couldn't life be more like the books humans wrote? Though she had only recently come to know the individual lying dead at her feet, this seemed a grossly inappropriate end to his story. It left far too many plot threads unresolved, too many possibilities unexplored. Too much human potential unfulfilled.

Yuki Nagato closed her eyes as her humanoid body was disintegrated, and within moments, was at peace.

* * *

**"There is no understudy for you"**

"When did this happen?" Koizumi spoke into his cell phone. "Really? How did you find out so quickly?

"I see. Then, one of the aliens must be responsible.

"No, no suspects. I would not say that I trust any one of them, even mildly, but up until this point they've all seemed concerned only with observation, just as they claim.

"Yes, I know that's not very helpful, but what would you have me say? Besides, don't we have more immediate concerns? What are we going to do about Miss Suzumiya?

"I agree. There's no one better suited to break such difficult news to her – except for Kyon, of course, and he's unavailable.

"I'm joking so that the strain of the situation does not overwhelm me. Is that so difficult to understand? Now, may I presume that my orders are to tell her as soon as possible, before she can hear it from other sources?

"I thought so."

He hung up the phone and sighed heavily. "I merely wish it were otherwise."

* * *

**"And by the way, jokes are supposed to be funny"**

"Oh. Hi, Koizumi." Maybe it was backwards to be unexcited at a phone call from a mysterious transfer student, but... Well, sure it had only been, what, a week since Koizumi joined the SOS Brigade, but he wasn't living up to his promised mysteriousness at all.

"Miss Suzumiya, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you. Are you sitting down?"

She was. But she said, "This isn't a bad movie, Koizumi. Women don't faint just because they hear bad news. Just say it, already."

"Miss Suzumiya... It's Kyon. Something bad has happened to him."

She flicked a lock of hair aside. "Well, what?"

"There's no easy way of putting this... He's dead."

_What._

"Some student went back to classroom 1-5 after our meeting this evening, and found him dead. Murdered. I know that -"

"This has got to be the stupidest, most tasteless prank call ever!" Haruhi was so angry she found herself standing up on her knees. "Kyon is _not_ dead, and if he had somehow died in the few hours between the end of the meeting and now, there's no way a simple high school student like you could have already found out about it! How stupid do you think I am?"

"Miss Suzumiya, I promise you, I would never -"

"Don't you get all condescending with me! Or talk like we're friends, either! I barely even know you, and even if we were best friends, I would _never_ forgive you for such a terrible joke! Good night!"

She hung up.

_Stupid Koizumi. __N__ow I can't stop thinking, "But what if Kyon really is dead?" Which is so stupid. I just saw him three or four hours ago!_

There was only one way to put her mind at ease. She called up Kyon.

One ring. Two rings. Three rings. Four rings.

Voicemail.

"Kyon! Why aren't you answering your phone?! Ignoring calls from your brigade leader is grounds for massive penalties, even dismissal!" She lay back on her bed. "But, call me back in the next hour and all will be forgiven. Okay?"

_Damn. I wish I had his parents' number to check with them. Next chance I get, I'll have to break into school records and look it up. They're probably listed as an emergency contact._

She was startled by her phone ringing right in her hand. The caller ID said Koizumi again.

She answered it. "Stop tying up my line, Koizumi! I'm expecting an important call! I don't care if you're calling to apologize or do more of your unfunny prank - for the last time, good night!"

She hung up again.

After that, she sat and stared at her phone for five minutes, waiting for Kyon to return her call. That got boring, so she grabbed a book and started reading, though she kept her phone close beside her so that she couldn't possibly miss its ringing.

An hour later, she glanced at her phone again, and laughed. "He's not dead," she said. "That's just ridiculous."

She went to bed, smiling all the while at how foolishly she'd let herself worry.

* * *

**"What's up with them?"**

Haruhi lay slumped over her desk. She'd had an awful day yesterday. Kyon hadn't showed up, and whoever was playing that awful prank on her had spread the word around the school, apparently, since everyone was talking in whispers about the murder in the classroom. Then she had to call off the SOS Brigade meeting early because Mikuru and Koizumi wouldn't shut up about that stupid lie. Yuki wasn't much better; she just kept on looking at her all during the meeting, as though fascinated. Then she'd actually offered to walk home with her. Haruhi had refused; the little freak probably just wanted to talk more about Kyon.

She kept telling everyone, over and over, "He's not dead." Why didn't they get it? Or at least talk about something else? Just because one student was absent didn't mean everyone had to waste the day talking about it. Why didn't anyone want to talk about Ryoko Asakura transferring to Canada? That was way more interesting and mysterious.

Her mood brightened when she saw Kyon walk into the classroom. "Hey, Kunikada," he said, waving a hand.

At the sound of his voice, everyone else in the classroom turned and stared at him in silence. There were even a couple of dropped jaws.

Kyon took his seat in front of her. "Yo," he said, and jerked a thumb behind him. "What's up with them?"

"Oh, they all think you're dead. Some rumor got around you were murdered here. I had the common sense to realize that violent murders at public schools just don't happen in real life, but you know how people are. Of course," she folded her arms and gave him a hard look, "...you being absent yesterday didn't help. Where were you, anyway?"

"Home. I had some kind of stomach bug." He bowed his head. "Sorry, I should have called you."

"Yes, you should have. Especially since I left you a message specifically telling you to call me back."

"Huh? You did?" He took out his phone. "Damn. There it is. How did I miss that until now?" He looked up. "I'm sorry, Haruhi. Hey, what are you doing?"

This last question was directed not at her, but at Taniguchi, who had approached Kyon from behind and was poking his cheek with an index finger. It made Taniguchi leap back with a start. "H-h-h-hey! You're alive?"

"Y-y-y-yes, it sure looks that way," Kyon snapped.

"Oh! Okay! It's just, you know, everyone was saying -"

"Do you mind? I'm talking to Haruhi here."

"Okay man, I get it. I'd put my girlfriend before you, too."

Taniguchi scampered off.

Haruhi looked at Kyon with vague suspicion. "Girlfriend?"

Kyon shook his head. "Honestly, I don't know why he said that."

"Well, whatever. Hey!" She leaped forward in her seat, her head nearly colliding with Kyon's in her excitement. "Did you hear that Ryoko Asakura suddenly transferred yesterday? Even the school had no warning of the transfer until this morning, there's no forwarding address available, and you know where she's transferred to? Canada!"

"Wow. That sounds pretty suspicious. We should investigate."

"Of course! I've got the address for her old place. Let's check it out after school!"

"Count me in."

* * *

**"The things we want for ourselves"**

"S-s-so Miss Suzumiya used her powers... to bring Kyon back to life?" Mikuru Asahina quavered.

"No," Nagato answered.

"Then... Kyon was never really dead to begin with?"

"No."

"Huh? Do you mean no, he wasn't dead, or no, what I'm saying is wrong and he was really dead?"

Nagato paused to adjust her glasses. "He was dead, and his mental information scattered so as to prevent reassembly. No manipulation of information could effect his revival. Instead, Haruhi Suzumiya created new information to replace the scattered information, emulating the original Kyon's memories, emotions, and personality as closely as she could."

"Oh..."

Asahina, Nagato, and Koizumi were huddled around the clubroom table while Kyon was working at the computer and Haruhi Suzumiya was barking out instructions for him to improve the website. He willfully complied, his finger rapidly clicking the mouse button.

"I must say, this feat is something of a miracle, both in terms of the usage of Miss Suzumiya's powers and her display of intuition," Koizumi commented. "However, it has two fundamental flaws. First, Miss Suzumiya knows very little about Kyon. Thus, while her recreation of him appears impeccable to the three of us, who knew him even less than she did, there are certain to be significant discrepancies and missing pieces. He is, in short, not the same Kyon his friends and loved ones knew.

"Second, because his new life and mental facilities were given to him by Miss Suzumiya, he has no will of his own. If Miss Suzumiya wishes for him to do something, he will do it, no matter how contrary to his bedrock personality. Call it premature speculation, but I suspect that when she is not actively controlling him, he simply follows his daily routine and gives rote answers to any questions."

"Then..." Asahina bit a finger. "This can't keep up. Sooner or later, Miss Suzumiya will realize that the person she cared about is gone."

Koizumi chuckled. "As someone who has acquired some familiarity with the workings of Miss Suzumiya's mind, I can confidently say that you give her too much credit. While most of Kyon's friends could be expected to value him as a person, Miss Suzumiya values him only for the validation he gives her, for being an attentive and respectful listener. Without having become attached to his other qualities, she won't take notice of their absence.

"Perhaps if Kyon had not died so soon after meeting her... then she might have acquired a fuller attachment to and appreciation for him. Perhaps she might have come to value him for who he is. But, as it stands..."

"Hey! Kyon, what are you doing?" Suzumiya's piercing exclamation broke in on their conversation. "Why are you navigating away from the website?"

"I'm going to make a few sock puppet accounts," Kyon answered. "We can use them to post about fabricated paranormal encounters on the website's guestbook. That should attract some interest to the site."

"Hey, yeah! That's a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?"

Koizumi smiled, and finished, "...I believe we have little to worry about."

"Mmm," Asahina acknowledged. "But what about everyone else? What are the police and the press going to do about the fact that this boy was murdered and is now alive?"

"I believe that matter has been adequately closed. According to my sources, yesterday morning Kyon left the morgue and returned to his home. His parents, who had not yet come in to identify the body, called the police and told them they'd made a mistake. If anyone working at the morgue saw Kyon leave, they are understandably unwilling to admit it. All of the media outlets we have contacts with are planning to spin this one of two ways: Incompetent Authorities Erroneously Declare Local Teenager Dead, or Victim of Brutal Attack Recovers from 12-Hour Coma." He waved a hand. "It is fortunate that I contacted Miss Suzumiya as quickly as I did. Had she revived Kyon _after_ an autopsy, this might have proved to be quite the media circus."

"Still, I don't know if we can handle this." She glanced at Kyon, eagerly typing up passwords for his new accounts, with the nervousness of a captive maiden looking upon Frankenstein's monster. "I mean... Miss Suzumiya expects us to work with, and talk to that... thing... as if he were alive?"

"Why not? He seems like an agreeable enough creature to me."

"Hey, make some trolling accounts too!" Suzumiya commanded. "That always drives up traffic. We can post things like 'Aliens don't exist!', or 'Asahina is a bimbo!', or 'That intellectual poseur Koizumi needs to get a life!'"

"Sure." The revived corpse's fingers typed all the faster. "You know, this part should actually be fun."

"My thoughts exactly!"

Watching them, the smile dissolved from Koizumi's face. "Still, it is a shame. Kyon could have been an influence on her – a negative one, perhaps, but I prefer to think optimistically. If nothing else, he might have driven her to open up to other people more. Instead, he has been reduced to nothing but what Miss Suzumiya wants him to be." He shook his head. "And the things we want for ourselves are so rarely the things we truly need."

* * *

**"Fan me, too"**

Haruhi drooped her head in her hands. The heat was terrible, but Kyon was fanning her with some papers, just as she'd told him to, and that provided some relief. What was really killing her was the boredom.

"I don't get it," she moaned. "Why doesn't anything interesting ever happen, even now that I've formed the SOS Brigade?"

"It's this world that's the problem," Kyon groaned in reply. "It's like it has this built-in resistance to wonders and excitement. Somebody should fix it."

"How?"

"I don't know."

"Me, either. Hey, fan me a little higher."

Kyon did as she said, sending a faint breeze across her sweaty brow. "Hey, Haruhi... Just as a hypothetical question... What would you say if I asked you to go out with me?"

"What?" She frowned, perplexed. "Why would you ask that?"

"I don't know, really... It's just that I remember when we first started getting to know each other, thinking 'This is it, here's a girl who understands me, who wants to make things more exciting than they are.' Looking back now, I think maybe I was biding my time to ask you out. I mean, it was too soon. I wanted to get to know you before trying something like that. I wanted it to be more than just an ordinary date. But now..." He frowned. "It's strange. I just have no desire to ask you out anymore. I'm curious what you'd say, but that's it."

"Just as well. I got my fill of that in middle school. I'm not dating anyone any more."

_Especially not you,_ she added, but didn't say it aloud. Not because she didn't want to offend the person who was so dutifully fanning her, but because she didn't want to get into a whole discussion about how he was just too predictable, always doing whatever she wanted him to. Which was great, of course; the world would be a better place if more people were like that. But dating someone like that would be beyond boring. It would be like dating a computer. Gross.

"Well, that's not the really bizarre part. The thing is, it's not just you. I've had thoughts about other girls, like Miss Asahina and Asakura. It wasn't the same as with you, but I thought about asking them out. But now, I suddenly don't feel the urge to go out with any girls. Isn't that strange?"

"Maybe you're turning gay."

He cast his eyes thoughtfully to the ceiling. "Yeah, that could be it."

* * *

**"Let her watch"**

"Hey, Koizumi," Kyon said. "How about we try kissing?"

There were three of them in the clubroom: Kyon and Koizumi at opposite sides of the Othello board, and Nagato at her usual spot in the corner. Misses Suzumiya and Asahina had yet to arrive.

Koizumi put a finger to her jaw. "What would be the sense in that? We're both heterosexual."

"I think I could be turning gay. I want to see if I like it." He got up out of his chair and approached Koizumi. "Come on, let's go."

"Miss Nagato is watching," Koizumi objected. Indeed, Nagato had been doing little but watch since Kyon's death. She kept a book always on her lap, but as far as Koizumi could tell that was mostly for appearances, since whenever Miss Suzumiya or Kyon's reanimated corpse were present, her eyes were fixed squarely on them, observing. It was really rather disturbing. And not that he had ever trusted Nagato to begin with, but it made him worry that she had some scheme in the works.

"Let her watch," Kyon said, and leaned his face towards Koizumi's.

He was one split-second away from shoving the amorous (by the standards of the deceased, that is) Kyon back when the door cracked open. "Kyon! Were you about to kiss Koizumi...?"

Much as Koizumi liked Miss Suzumiya, and sympathized with her over the loss of her only friend, he couldn't help but feel offended by her hypocrisy. Kyon hadn't wanted to kiss him of his own free will – he had none. His attempt at homosexual experimentation could only have been at her suggestion.

"...without giving me the opportunity to _take pictures?!_" Suzumiya grinned brightly and whipped a camera out of her bag.

Maybe he would have been better off with hypocrisy.

She positioned herself behind Koizumi's chair and held the camera up to her face. "Okay, go ahead! Kiss!"

He started to get out of his seat. "Miss Suzumiya, I'd rather not..."

"Hey." Kyon put his hands on Koizumi's shoulders and pushed him back down. "If our brigade leader says we kiss, then we kiss. Don't you think it's pretty selfish to disobey her orders just because you don't feel like it?"

He didn't wait for an answer; he just moved his lips towards Koizumi's.

Even though he'd known Kyon but a few days, the thought struck Koizumi that this was the moment where he might have intervened. Pushed the two coerced kissers apart and openly rebuked Miss Suzumiya, telling her she was going too far.

And Miss Suzumiya would have been indignant, argumentative, maybe even infuriated... but she would have listened to him just the same.

But Kyon was dead. And Miss Suzumiya would not listen to objections from anyone else.

It was not such a big deal, really. A simple kiss. He could do something as small as that for the sake of the world. But Koizumi suspected that this was just the beginning. That Miss Suzumiya would take things much, much farther before her conscience would even begin to whisper, "Enough." Appeasement today might just mean an evil reign tomorrow, but it was the only option he had.

"...Wait!"

Kyon and Koizumi froze, their mouths less than an inch apart. They looked to their brigade leader for an explanation.

"This is no good." Haruhi had lowered the camera to her side and was frowning at them. "No good at all. Can't you make this even the least bit exciting?"

The two boys looked at each other, then back to her. "How should we do that?" Kyon asked.

"Oh, come on! Can't you figure that out for yourself?" She clenched her fist, her teeth gritting. "It's no good. Just no good. It doesn't even matter if I have to walk you two through it, or you do it on your own..."

She flung the camera. It bounced off a wall with a loud crack.

"...None of it is any good!" she screamed and ran from the clubroom.

Kyon bolted out the door, leaving his bag behind. "Haruhi, wait!"

With his footsteps still echoing from the halls into the clubroom, Nagato closed her book, stood up, and walked towards the door.

"Well," Koizumi said. "I suppose I'll see you tomorrow?"

"If there still is an SOS Brigade tomorrow," Nagato answered. "Which is unlikely."

She walked out.

That was an uncharacteristic thing for Nagato to say. Still, she had a point. There was something of a doomsday ring to what Miss Suzumiya had said before storming out. If he wanted there to be a world tomorrow, much less an SOS Brigade, he'd better get in touch with his comrades and take action.

There was one other thought sticking at the back of his mind, though: Where the devil was Mikuru Asahina at?

* * *

**"This isn't what I wanted"**

Kyon caught up with her just outside the school. "Hey Haruhi, wait up!"

"Go home, Kyon," she said, slowing to a walk. "The meeting is dismissed."

"Well, can't I at least walk home with you?"

"...If that's what you want."

They walked in silence for a bit. Like always, Kyon wasn't going to push her to talk about it, and like always, he was willing to listen. She liked that about him. But right now, it was like all she could think about was the grey street beneath her and how well it blended with the endlessly unchanging buildings and sky.

"It's all so boring," she said. "No matter what I do, it's all so predictable. I feel like I could be re-watching the same movie over and over again. A movie that isn't any good, or even particularly bad, just dull. I try to spice it up by editing in my own voice over, but the very next time I watch it I already know what I'm going to say, so what's the point?"

"Yeah." Kyon paused, then added, "Someone should just put on a different movie."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, like Noah's ark. This world's no good, so God should destroy it and start over with just you, Haruhi, and a world that's more exciting."

"And you, too. You shouldn't be destroyed."

"Well, it goes without saying that I wouldn't want to be destroyed. Keep the two of us, and replace everything else."

"Sounds nice." She sighed. "Too bad it'll never happen, you know?"

"Don't be so sure. Maybe you'll lay down to bed tonight, and when you wake up, it will all be new and exciting."

Maybe. It was reassuring to think of.

She raised her eyes to the direction they were heading in. Kyon was silent again, and she enjoyed that. He didn't want anything out of her. He wasn't buttering her up to help him with his studies, he wasn't trying to get her in bed, he didn't want to be her friend, and most relieving of all, he wasn't in love with her. He was simply there when she wanted him, and not at any other time.

He definitely shouldn't be destroyed.

A voice came from behind them: "This isn't what I wanted."

She turned around. It was Yuki, standing against the fading daylight like a ghost slowly manifesting with the dusk. The girl spoke so little, Haruhi hadn't recognized her voice.

"Certainly, it is fascinating." Yuki's eyes were fixed squarely on Kyon, ignoring her. "The forceful influx of rich data into your dead body. The continuous flow of information from Haruhi Suzumiya to you. Like what one might expect to witness between soulmates, only you have no information to send back to her, even if you had that power. Also, the remarkable deception: a strung-up corpse successfully passing as a normal, living sentient being among his own kind."

"Yuki?" Haruhi shivered at her words, and without thinking, grasped Kyon's arm. "What are you talking about?"

"Most fascinating," Yuki went on, still ignoring her. "But it isn't what I wanted. I did not only want you to die." A large knife materialized in her hand. "I wanted Haruhi Suzumiya to know you are dead."

Before Haruhi could react, Yuki lunged forward and thrust the knife into Kyon's chest, hard enough for it to pierce out his back. Kyon let out a shocked choking sound, and blood spurted out of the wound.

"KYON!" she screamed.

"I apologize if I was unclear on that point." Yuki's face remained completely neutral. "Now, please die again. Where Haruhi Suzumiya can see it, this time."

"N-no." She released Kyon's arm, letting him collapse to the street. His eyes stared vacantly into the abyss. The knife pulled free of his body, leaving a hole through his chest. Heart pounding with terror, she turned and ran for her life. "Help! Somebody, please, help!"

"You may not leave."

This time, she was talking to Haruhi. She found that out when she ran into an invisible wall. Like a bird flying into a window, the force of impact slammed across her whole body, throwing her to the ground.

"Try not to injure yourself. I wish you to be fully conscious when you witness Kyon die." She glanced down. "There. That was his last breath. How do you feel?"

She got to her feet and backed up to the invisible wall, feeling her way around for a way out. In vain. "P-please, don't kill me."

"This is very gratifying. Already the dimensional seams around us are tearing apart with the intensity of your grief." Nagato stepped over Kyon's body, walking towards Haruhi. "I should have done it this way in the first place, but I feared if you were present when I tried to kill Kyon, you would stop me. Perhaps your will to fight is not as strong as I thought."

"Leave Haruhi alone, you witch!" Kyon leapt to his feet and tackled Nagato from behind, gripping the wrist of her knife hand with one hand, while wrapping the other arm around her throat.

"Kyon!" Haruhi's eyes lit up with a brief joy. "You're alive!"

"I understand now," Nagato said. Her face betrayed not the slightest sign of exertion as she grappled with Kyon. "You did not stop me because you did not need to. You can now revive Kyon at a moment's notice."

Joy was supplanted by fear. "Kyon, get away from her!"

He wrenched Nagato's arm back, trying to get her to drop the knife. "If I let her go, she'll stab me, and then you too!"

"This is a most pleasing development. It means I can kill him as many times as I wish." She twirled the knife in her hand, and made a backwards stab into Kyon's throat. With a dry gasp, he slid back to the street, his blood smearing Nagato's uniform.

"Nooooo!" Haruhi fell to her hands and knees, sobbing. It was too much. The shock of seeing Kyon seemingly killed before her eyes... followed by the joyful realization that she was mistaken, that the blade hadn't gone all the way through him, that he was alive... followed, seconds later, by the sight of him dying again, this time for real. It was too much. She wanted this all to go away, to be nothing but a nightmare. But it was all too real. All she could wish for, all she could think, was _He can't be dead. Don't let him be dead._

"So many results can potentially be observed. I shall try different means of death."

The sound of Kyon groaning made Haruhi look up. It was insanity, but he was slowly, achingly getting to his feet, and the wound in his neck had all but completely closed. Nagato was walking away from him and, in another display of insanity, the knife in her hand shifted, dissolved, and reformed as a handgun.

"Keep watching, Miss Suzumiya." Nagato turned and fired a single shot, straight into Kyon's forehead. He fell dead once again.

And once again Haruhi felt her heart clench in pain. "Stop..." she rasped. "Stop hurting him! Leave him alone!"

"A shame that this interface's ability to express emotion is so limited." The gun reformed again, this time into a garrote. "Even talking like this is an effort, and I wish to share my joy at this unexpected bounty of data. I kill him, over and over, and each time your reaction is diff- Urk!"

This time, when Kyon lurched to his feet, he threw a punch with the speed of a bullet train. It slammed completely through Nagato's chest, leaving blood and pulped tissue oozing from his knuckle.

The sight was enough to make Haruhi feel sick, but it didn't seem to affect Nagato at all. "I see. You've bestowed some power on him. But not enough to seriously injure my body." Her right forearm melted into a white blade, and in one swift motion she sliced off Kyon's attacking arm at the elbow. He let out a scream of shock and pain. Nagato spun around and kicked him in the chest, sending him flying almost 50 feet through the air before he hit the invisible barrier with a sickening smack and fell to the ground. "Death was by concussion. However, he also broke his spine. Be sure to heal that when you revive him."

"Stop it!" Haruhi screamed. "Just stop it! No more!"

Nagato looked at her with wide, innocent eyes, juxtaposed against the severed arm still planted in her chest. "Your request makes no sense. You are perpetuating this wonderful series of experiments as much as I am. If you simply stop reviving Kyon, this will naturally end. Why then are you asking me to stop?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Haruhi came to her feet, teeth clenched. "I don't even have any idea what the hell is going on... Just stop hurting Kyon! Just stop!"

Nagato blinked.

While she was looking at her, Kyon again rose, ripped a nearby signpost out with his remaining arm, and hurled it at Nagato. It speared through her back, but Nagato did not flinch at the impact.

"How foolish. Do you not remember how this means of attack failed when I myself tried it on this interface? How could you have forgotten, when that was the first time I killed you? Wait..." Her head tilted back towards the sky, her eyes closed. "Error detected. This interface was not present when I killed Kyon. I am recalling the time when I tried to kill Kyon and this interface saved him. Another error detected. I never failed in an attempt to kill Kyon. The tearing of the surrounding dimensional seams is allowing information from alternate universes to leak through and be absorbed into this int-"

"Shut up!" Kyon shouted, punching Nagato in the face. Her glasses flew off and shattered, while her body was sent sprawling onto the pavement. Before she could get up, he grabbed hold of the signpost still stuck in her back, holding her down. "I don't care how many times you kill me, or how many times I have to kill you... I won't let you get your hands on Haruhi! Do you hear me?"

A chunk of brick and mortar tore itself off from a nearby building and seemed to fling itself at Kyon, knocking him aside. It then reformed over him, forming a restraining cocoon.

"I should not have allowed myself to be distracted, even if this space is under my data jurisdiction. But it is curious." Nagato got to her feet. "Now that I have examined it more closely, I see the tearing in the dimensional seams does not bear the signature of Haruhi Suzumiya's power. You evidently do not care enough for Kyon to create such havoc. What, then, is its cause?"

Haruhi's heart was still pounding with fear. But she took a step forward. And then, shakily, another.

She didn't know what was going on. She didn't know how she might get out of this alive. But she knew that cowering before Nagato wouldn't do it, and she knew that she had to stop her from hurting Kyon. It was reckless, suicide, but it was the only action that made any sense at all.

She had to stop her. "I have to stop you!" she shouted aloud, to give herself courage.

Nagato was silent at first, as though deep in thought. Then she blinked. "No." Her voice was oddly final. "You don't have to stop me. Because it is impossible for me to succeed.

"Full dimensional collapse in 1.37205 seconds."

* * *

**"You really don't want to go in there"**

"Ahhh!"

Haruhi suddenly felt the ground beneath her hands and her butt. But she didn't know whether she'd fallen down, or had just woken up. She didn't even know what had given her such a jolt.

What she did know was the awful premonition she felt. Something horrible was happening in classroom 1-5.

She shot to her feet and ran back into the school. Though she'd dismissed the SOS Brigade a few minutes ago, one of them was still there, in classroom 1-5. She knew it. Even if she were wrong, it would be worth the mad backtracking just for the relief of knowing that it had all been nothing more than a nightmare.

She slammed through doors, not caring if she might bump into anyone or what they would think. It was happening now... it was happening now.

As she came within sight of classroom 1-5, the last person she'd expected to see was dashing out.

"Ah! Suzumiya!" Taniguchi looked startled by her appearance – and alarmed. As if he were just fleeing the scene of a crime.

"Out of my way!"

"Whoa, hold on!" He stepped back against the classroom entryway and pulled the door shut. "Don't go in there! If you left something inside -"

"Don't tell me what I can and can't do! Just get away from that door or they'll have to scrape you off the walls tomorrow!"

"P-please!" He was trembling. "Suzumiya, please believe me, you really don't want to go in there right now!"

That stopped her. Whatever it was that he'd seen in there, it had really shaken him up. Seeing his manner, hearing his words, brought her premonition into sharper focus.

"It's Kyon, isn't it?"

His eyes widened, confirming what she already knew.

"It's Kyon. He's dead!" Dread now suffused her heart, but that didn't stop her from grabbing the front of the boy's uniform, pulling him aside, and yanking open the door. "He's dead! He's..."

She stopped short at the scene that awaited her in classroom 1-5.

"...pushing Yuki behind a storage cabinet?" Her mouth hung open.

Yuki and Kyon both froze in place, Yuki looking at her with mild interest, Kyon with utter terror. One of his hands was gripping her shoulder, the other the small of her back, with the obvious intent of pushing her forward. The storage cabinet was the only thing in the classroom that you could possibly hide a person behind, and that's just where he was herding Yuki.

It took Haruhi less time than even she would have thought to get over her relief that her premonition had been wrong, if not about Kyon's location, at least about his status. She folded her arms. "What's going on here? What are you doing with Yuki?"

In the awkward silence that followed, she heard the clacking of Taniguchi's shoes as he scampered away. She paid him no mind.

Kyon released Yuki and ran a hand through his hair. "...Okay, look... Nagato was just helping me study. Taniguchi came in and got the wrong idea... I tried to hide her in case you might get the wrong idea, too."

"What do you mean, the wrong idea?"

"Well, uh..."

Her eyelids lowered. "Oh. That's pretty crude."

"My thoughts exactly..."

"Shut up. You're both still in trouble. All extracurricular activities must be approved by your brigade chief first! Is that understood?"

He looked like he had a comeback in mind, but he just said, "Yeah, fine." Maybe he didn't want to push his luck.

"Now, come with me. I'm making sure both of you leave the building."

Things had turned out okay this time, but Haruhi wasn't ready to throw out that premonition yet. From now on, she was going to keep a very close eye on Yuki Nagato.

* * *

**"What if that history wasn't the history you knew?"**

Mikuru had arrived in the past, just outside the SOS clubroom.

One day from now, she would submit a report of Kyon's death. Her superiors would deem the event an unacceptable deviation from history. One week from now, she would receive authorization to travel back in time and prevent its occurrence.

The reason was simple. Two months from now, she would have to bring Kyon three years into his past. There he would encounter Haruhi Suzumiya on Tanabata, and she would notice his North High uniform. But the undead Kyon would never agree to come to the past with her, since his lack of free will meant he could not put his trust in anyone but Ms. Suzumiya. If she did not bring Kyon to the past, Suzumiya would not see his North High uniform, and would therefore have no reason to go to North High instead of Kouyouen Academy. If she did not go to North High, she would never meet Kyon.

And if she never met Kyon, no one would ever have reason to kill him.

They didn't even need to know who it was that had killed him. Without his connection to Haruhi, Kyon was a complete nobody. That left no motive.

In short: Killing Kyon made it impossible for Kyon to have been killed.

Such a paradox could not be allowed. It made the entire universe in which they lived impossible, and impossible things could not exist for long.

Mikuru checked her watch. It was time. She opened the door.

There was only one person in the clubroom: Yuki Nagato. Kyon was in classroom 1-5 now, meeting his murderer, and the others, including her past self, had all gone home. Nagato was in her usual corner, holding a book open in front of her face.

As Mikuru stepped closer, she got a better look at the book. Seeing it, she understood now why Nagato had failed to prevent Kyon's death.

The book was _And Then There Were None_ by Agatha Christie, and Nagato had it opened to where the end of chapter 15 was on one page and the beginning of chapter 16 was on the next. Mikuru had read the book herself, and what happened in that part was so shocking, so shattering, that she didn't even dare think about it for fear of spoiling it for some passing mind-reader. Not that mind-readers even existed, so far as she knew, but she couldn't take that chance.

She knew what she had to do. Taking a deep breath for courage as well as volume, she slapped the book out of Nagato's hands and shouted, "PAY ATTENTION!"

Nagato didn't move for a second. Then she blinked.

"Waaaah!" Mikuru squeezed her eyes shut and trembled. "I'm sorry! Don't -"

"Spatial lockdown and data blockade detected in classroom 1-5." The alien knew that Mikuru was there, surely, but she didn't spare her even a glance, shooting out of the room at the speed of light.

Mikuru sighed with relief. That was it. Nagato would arrive in time to confront the one trying to kill Kyon. Now it was only a question of whether she could defeat whoever it was. Mikuru had done all she could do. She felt confident, though, that it had been enough.

She activated her TPDD, heading back to the time she'd come from, to a world where, once again, the SOS Brigade had a member who was nothing more, or less, than a normal human.

END


End file.
